A Siriusly Fun Valentine's Day
by HooliaGoolia
Summary: OC and Sirius Black go on an adventure to sabotage Lucius and Narcissa's Valentine's day date.


**Alexandra (Zee) Calahan 1977 Journal**

 **Saturday, February 5th**

I finally did it! I finally did it! I might just collapse from relief! I finally captured Sirius Black's eye. For 5 long years, I didn't exist to him because of the snake on my chest, but at last, that sarcastic bundle of snark asked me for a favor! He has asked that I help him sabotage a Valentine's date. Not just any date… Lucius Malfoy's and Narcissa Black's. I know he is using me because I have access to the dungeons and perhaps my not so well-known loathing of Narcissa, but I really want it to be more than that. I can't even write anymore – I'm too shaky from excitement! I'm off to squeal in my pillow while these bimbos stare. I am so ready to ruin Narcissa's Valentine's day.

 **Saturday, February 13th**

The plan is set. Our strategy is in motion. We don't have lessons tomorrow. I just hope our plan is enough.

 **Tuesday, February 15th**

Yesterday. Was. The. Best. Day. Of. My. Life. Well, so far, but still! Valentine's day started splendidly. Lucius and Narcissa were greeted this morning with a wardrobe smothered in Frog Spawn Soap and thick, black, dog fur. Her screams of frustration were probably heard across the castle, it was amazing. I was responsible for getting Narcissa and Peeves helped us out with Lucius. Apparently, Meester Malfoy made some rude remarks about the Poltergeist and he wasn't having it – the Bloody Baron isn't upset about the retaliation either, so it must have been pretty bad… anyway! The Frog Spawn Soap was charmed so that it couldn't be cleaned with magic – so they had to borrow some clothes (how beneath them).

When they finally made their way to the courtyard for the Valentine's trip to Hogsmeade, I met up with Sirius away from prying eyes. In order to complete our plan, we had to be in the village as well, but he didn't have a permission slip. Everyone believed he was sulking on the grounds somewhere like he always did when there was a Hogsmeade trip, or so people know. I asked him how he always made it to Hogsmeade, he had a momentary look of surprise on his face that was quickly replaced by a smirk (I died). He said if he told me, he'd have to obliviate me. I wasn't in the least bit interested in that happening, so I let it go. I figured he would have borrowed that item that Potter seems to use whenever he's up to mischief – not that I know what it is. No one does. I guess it's a Marauder's thing. I didn't push it. No threat out of Sirius' mouth is to be taken lightly… I learned that the day he was sorted. Sorry future me. Distracted yet again. Sirius shooed me off to the main group so that I was in plain sight for next trick. Our illustrious Poltergeist, Peeves, wrapped up our Hogwarts shenanigans with a lovely leafy tornado so their gorgeous blonde hair looked no better than the muddy path leading to the Greenhouse. Glorious.

Despite their borrowed clothes and mud strewn hair, they continued on with their date. They tied up their hair and screeched for Crabbe and Goyle to pull the leaves out that they could see. Of course, those louts and their sausage fingers didn't completely succeed, which only made me smile more. Still smiling too! They walked around shops and as they walked past Zonko's, I slipped inside. Sirius was waiting for me and had an impatient look on his face and asked me what took so long. I told him about the clumsy leaf removal and he laughed, hopefully forgiving me for sticking around to watch.

Sirius was the coordinator of our next trick. We disguised ourselves with some Zonko's apparel and arrived at Madame Puddifoot's. Apparently, he arranged something ahead of time and I was just supposed to watch. Narcissa got her tea refill and Lucius sat looking annoyed. Suddenly Narcissa shuddered, hard, and started looking around wide-eyed. She shouted "Why am I here, Lucius? How did I get here?". Lucius was surprised and just stared at her. Then he said "Don't be stupid, Narcissa. You told me you wanted to come here. Don't pull a stunt." She had probably never yelled at him before based on the look he had given her. She acted like she didn't hear a word he said, continuing her crazy tirade, "I don't understand what's happening! I don't want to be here!". Then, she simply ran out the door. Lucius kept sitting there stunned. I knew Sirius was gonna get Narcissa to abandon Lucius, but I had no idea he would use a Confusing Concoction! How did he disguise it one might ask? Lily coached him, of course. But, with Narcissa gone, it was time for the grand finale – and I had the honors! Sirius escorted me to Lucius' table and we removed our Zonko's silly wear and he glared. "You're behind this, Sirius! And Alexandra! How do you think this is going to end for you?!" and he began to stand. Sirius stepped forward, "Sit down, Lucius, you arrogant prat. You mess with the Marauder's or their girls again, and this taste of torture will be nothing compared to what will come next". Of course, I wasn't really listening then (because I'm a loon). I was focusing on getting the finale ready to release. I got the signal – tap on the shoulder – and let the good times roll on. And by good, I mean dung. And by times, I mean bombs. We ran out of there before anyone realized what we did. We ran all the way back to the courtyard where Professors McGonagall and Slughorn stood with Filch and Mrs. Norris. Which spelled our doom.

Valentine's night detention with Filch in the Trophy Room. Sirius had to polish all of the Slytherin House Cups and I was dusting shelves and sweeping. All the while, Filch stirred up dirt constantly, making both tasks impossible. Then the most amazing thing happened. Peeves knocked a case over, nearly crushing Mrs. Norris! Filch was FURIOUS and ran out of the room, gently clutching Mrs. Norris because he thought she got hit. Sirius and I stared at each other. Then he held out a cloak and said "Wanna get outta here?" and I ran! He was able to wrap us both up, head to toe (although he had to stoop a little) and we walked past three faculty members on our way out the main doors. Turns out, it was an INVISIBILITY CLOAK. WHAT?! Anyways, we ended up sitting under the stars with the giant squid at the Black Lake all night. Then as the sun crested to signal the start of a new day (and a harsh reminder that Valentine's was actually over) Sirius said "So you didn't really give me an answer for my confession". I blinked once, twice and three times before saying ever so eloquently, "Eh?". He said, "Merlin's Beard, Zee, I have to say it again?". He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. Then he turned his head into his should and muttered "willyoubemyvalentine?". I grabbed his shoulders and shook him a bit and shouted "WHAT?!". He laughed and asked with a bit more confidence, "Zee, will you be my valentine?". I said, "Only if you'll be mine". He leaned in with a chuckle and I became a puddle. BEST. DAY. EVER.


End file.
